


You Can't Go Home Again

by EarthCallingAlice



Series: Catching the Sunrise Series [8]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Het, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Moving On, No Sex, Slash, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthCallingAlice/pseuds/EarthCallingAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Returning to the X-Men, Kurt finds himself in an uncomfortable situation. The last time he saw Logan there was great animosity but he must make peace with Logan and learn to work with him again for the sake of the team. Of course, Logan isn't making it easy. Also, Logan does something Kurt would never expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Go Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place during the time Kurt, Kitty and Piotr return from Excalibur and rejoin The X-Men circa Uncanny X-Men # 360 and X-Men # 80. It also takes place after my fic "Ties That Bind, Ties That Break" so if you haven't read it you may be a bit lost. Yes! Kurt is injured again. But these have all been canon! It seems to happen a lot. So it wasn't my idea.
> 
> Kurt, Logan, Ororo, Rogue and Cecilia belong to Marvel Comics and Disney.
> 
> Originally published May 23, 2010

^^^

Kurt tries to sit patiently as Dr. Cecilia Reyes, the X-Men’s resident Doctor, filling in for Henry “Hank” McCoy tends to his latest injuries after their battle with the ‘New X-Men,’ or so they called themselves. He is also having a hard time readjusting to his life in the X-Men. So many things have changed since he last wore the badge. To make matters worse, his reunion with Logan while pleasant for the most part wasn’t without it’s tension. The last time he saw Logan he was in a hospital room and they had an argument about their on again off again relationship and quite frankly he’d prefer to stay friends and by the look on Logan’s face he felt the same. Kurt could feel Logan’s penetrating gaze projected towards him as the good doctor repairs the damage done. It was odd, he thought, things were going so nicely. What set him off now?

To say Logan was not pleased was an understatement but he was putting up a good front, or at least he thought he was. He did all the work on helping keep Kurt alive, he carried him for miles, tended to his wounds and fended off the baddies but it was the doc getting all the credit. Logan noticed the way Kurt and Cecilia looked at each other. There was definitely an attraction and the underhanded flirtation between the two was almost more than he could bare. He didn't have the right to be jealous. He knew that, but it didn't help that the only reason he didn't solidify his relationship with Kurt was for his own protection and not because he didn't want him. If Kurt only knew he hadn't even looked Jeans way with anything other than friendship since Germany... well, if he told him he probably wouldn't believe him, going back to the main problem - He had to cut Kurt out. Sabretooth and Viper didn't play nice and he wasn't going to let Kurt get caught in the crossfire. He couldn't handle the idea of something happening to Kurt. It would kill him. 

As Dr. Reyes finishes her examination she says, “Well, Mr. Wagner it appears everything is back as it should be. Ahem.”

“Finally. Thank you so much Cecilia. Do you mind if I call you that? I really hate formality. “ At this he picks up her hand and kisses it. 

“You can call me Cece, that’s what I prefer myself.” She couldn’t help but be charmed by the unusually striking Mr. Wagner. 

“Ah, you have saved my life. I hope there is some way I can repay you. I am in your debt. Perhaps I can cook you dinner after you are done with your shift." He briefly thought of the times he had made dinner for Amanda after a grueling flight.

“I would really like that, actually. But on one condition… I get to help; you are not to overexert yourself." 

Kurt could feel the tension in the room double as he looked over at Logan. _She saved your life?’_ Logan chose this time to cut in. “Ahem.”

“Oh. Logan. We are sorry. Is there something you wanted to say?” Kurt asked. 

“Nope. It seems I’m not needed. It looks like I’ll be on my way. It’s good to see you, Elf. Really… but I’ve got things to do. It appears you are in good hands.” He says the last rather coldly as he watches Dr. Reyes hand linger on Kurt’s shoulder. 

“Logan. What-?” What in the world has gotten into him? Kurt thought. He couldn't be jealous. But it was too late to ask for Logan had gone.

^^^

After Kurt gets dressed and leaves the med-lab, he makes his way up the stairs to his bedroom. But someone neglected to tell him which was to be his new room. As Kurt reaches the top of the steps he sees Logan puffing on a cigar. At the sight of his former lover Logan felt his heart speed up. In a casual tone that bellied his actual emotions he said. “Hey…”

Kurt stiffens uncomfortably. “Hello Logan. I appear to be lost. The new mansion is a bit different. So I was wondering which is to be my room?” He said a bit nervously as Logan’s keen ice blue eyes swiped down his body with an all too familiar look. He looked into Logan's eyes longer than he had meant to catching the longing there. Kurt sighed. This was going to be more difficult than he thought. Logan was looking really good. He couldn't deny that and when they reunited after his return from the X-Men it almost felt like old times. But he refused to play this game with Logan any longer. He wanted a family eventually and a real relationship. He knew Logan did not want that with him and he had understood. Kurt wasn't much for forcing people in a relationship or giving ultimatums so he had let him go to find someone he could love and have companionship. He was still willing to leave things open, he was going to tell Cerise about him and break things off with her and Logan didn't have to commit to anything and continue on as they had in the past. But he didn't even want that. He clearly had his eye set on someone else to make things permanent. That had to be it. That was the only thing that made sense to Kurt. He had moved on, he fell in love with Cerise and he was able to push Logan aside and be happy, that is, before she left him for her home world. He was over Logan... Damnit! He was over him. He was suddenly feeling very resentful for being put into this situation again. Every time Kurt would get over Logan, he would barge back into his life and wield a power over him he couldn't resist. But that would end now. 

Logan breathed out smoke through his nose and chuckled softly and replied, “Yeah, its a friggin' maze in here. I'm still not quite used to it." He had forced a smile and it hurt him to do it. "Down the hall and its the third door on your right." Logan could see the conflicted look on Kurt's face and he could smell an undercurrent of pheromones radiating off his body. He was trying really hard to mask his true feelings much like him. He would be lying if he said a part of him wasn't happy about that. 

“Danke, Logan.” Kurt smiles slightly. Happy that Logan no longer appears to be angry but he was still wary of Logan's intentions. He wanted to get past this. He had been worried about Logan lately. There is much they needed to discuss. 

“No problem, Elf. What are **friends** for?” He tipped his hat to add to the charade.

“Right... well, it has been a long day so I really should start getting myself settled. Thank you again for helping me. Good night.” 

Logan was looking at the floor now, chewing his cigar intently and said, "Good night, Kurt."

^^^

Kurt woke up groggy, he had a fitful sleep, he couldn't get Logan out of his mind. He had hoped that putting his mind on the task of settling in and the shower afterwards would have helped him sleep. He should have known better. He stretched his body and made his way to the bathroom to start the day. If he could he would hole himself up in his room. He didn't trust himself and didn't know how he'd act when he saw Logan again. The feral mutants senses must have picked up how he was feeling though he made no mention of it. The old Logan would have playfully... when they were together. But that was the past. Now was the future and that meant focusing on the job at hand and the X-Men's new threat he thought with determination.

One of Kurt's scheduled agendas for the morning was to visit Ororo and catch up with his old friend. Kurt walked up the steps to Ororo’s attic with the help of Kitty’s directions. He felt an old familiar feeling come over him. It was strange to do this again. Only months ago he thought he’d never be here again. As he rounded the corner his breath caught. She was wearing a pink gown and her silver hair was shimmering in the moonlight and tied back as it laid against her shoulders with it’s wispy curls dancing in the breeze. He forgot how beautiful she was. 

Long ago when he first joined the team he and Piotr used to fight over her. He laughed to himself and shook the thought out of his head. Things changed after that. It seemed fate would take a different turn. He fell for another… and hard. That someone was his teammate, his best friend and now ex-lover The Wolverine - Logan. 

“Ororo?”

“Oh, Kurt. Come in old friend. Isn’t it beautiful out tonight? “

“It is I suppose.” Kurt said vacantly. 

Ororo could tell that Kurt was hiding something. “Is something the matter? You sound troubled. Kitty told me what happened between you and Logan and what happened in Mississipi. Rogue told her. We’re all very concerned about you two.”

“Nothing I can’t handle. But did I neglect to mention that you’re still as lovely as ever?”

“No you didn’t, you remind me often, but I don’t think you came here to talk about me.”

Kurt was embarrassed. Was it that obvious? “I... have been wondering about Logan. How has he been?”

Ororo smiled bemusedly. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

Kurt slicked back his hair and sighed. “I don’t feel like badgering him tonight. I can never get a strait answer from him.” That statement came out more bitter than he intended.

“Well, ever since he married Viper… things have been pretty dreadful for him, Kurt. How did you expect things to be?”

A look of shock passed across Kurt's indigo face. “Was??? I – I didn’t know. Honestly he never told me. I haven’t seen him much since England except for... Mississippi.” After Kurt got over the shock he felt his hackles raise and his fist begin to tighten. 

“You seem upset my friend. Why does this anger you so much? He had no choice. It was a marriage of convenience. Lives were at stake.”

“But she’s a villain- How could you-”

"Have you ever been able to stop Logan from doing what he feels is right?"

Kurt sighed. "No..."

Ororo walks to her friend and puts her hand on his shoulder. “It’s really not for me to say, but you’ll have to get the full story from him. And again… it’s good to see you Kurt.” Ororo kissed Kurt's cheek and patted his shoulder. Kurt smiled. Ororo always had a calming effect on him. He is glad that hasn't changed. He needed her strength.

^^^

Cecilia as it turned out was a delightful woman with a wicked sense of humor. They flirted lightly with each other as they bipped around the kitchen preparing their dinner. As lovely and witty as she was he couldn't stop thinking about Logan. Ever since Storm revealed his marriage to Viper he had become so confused.

They sat down and ate. Cecilia noticed as their patter died down that Kurt looked miles away and the mood had changed significantly. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"What? Oh, Cecillia. I'm sorry. I just zoned out I guess. Its been a long week, has it not?"

Cecilia smiled. "Funny, I thought superheroing was something you got used to, but it appears not." 

"I'm afraid not. Though I admit, sometimes its not all bad." Kurt though about the wonderful friendships he made and the love he found. He would not change his time with his friends for the world. Or the past intimacy he had shared with Logan. 

"I'm not quite convinced of that." Cecilia said in a deadpan tone.

"So Cecilia, tell me how you got dragged into the life of an X-Man." Kurt smiled widely.

^^^

After his early dinner with Cecilia Kurt had resolved to speak to Logan. He had to make peace with him or they wouldn't have a friendship left. He couldn't handle not having Logan in his life. That much was certain these past few days. As Kurt approached Logan’s door his heart sped up. He knocked gently, not sure on how he would be received after all that had happened. “Logan?”

No answer. Kurt knocked again. Again there was no answer at this. Then a smoky voice said. “Come on in. Don’t wear the door out.”

As Kurt entered, it was as if he’d been transported back in time. Again, like years ago, Logan was in jeans and nothing more, on the balcony and looking out into the night sky with the moonlight tracing his body. Kurt had to stifle a longing sigh. This was going to be harder than he thought. He had to divert his eyes from tracing Logan's perfectly muscled form. 

“I thought you could use some company.” He said hesitantly. 

As Kurt walked out to the balcony he noticed Logan’s shoulders were stiff. He was halfheartedly smoking a cigarette. It looked like he was miles away. Seeing Logan look so troubled made a pit well up inside him. He wanted to ease his friend’s pain. 

“Why? I don’t deserve it, Elf. And you know it."

“Ororo told me about your marriage to Viper. Is that why you broke things off between us?”

“That and other reasons I’m not ready to explain. What’s that?” Logan pointed to the six-pack in his hand.

Kurt opens a bottle and hands it to Logan. “ Surely Logan you haven't forgotten what beer looks like?" He chuckled. 

Kurt's deep laugh warmed Logan, he had missed it. "Nah, I just wasn't... expecting this. Wasn't sure you wanted to talk to me again." Logan finally really looks at Kurt since he entered his room. He was afraid to but he had to get if only a glimpse. He was still painfully handsome and the moonlight always made his already impossible good looks that much more alluring. He reaches for the bottle and sips the beer lightly.

"Neither did I, frankly." Kurt looked to the side, feeling uncomfortable again, but not for the same reasons as before. This new revelation Ororo presented him had conflicted him now more than ever. Its like the world cracked open for him and everything made so much more sense now, he was almost ashamed he hadn't figured it out himself. Logan still wanted to be with him. Kurt takes another sip of his beer before he sets it down on the little stone table in the corner and says, “I really wish I could do something, Logan. There has to be another way to-” 

Logan looked into Kurt's eyes firmly. "It’s mine to deal with, Kurt. You have nothing to do with it. And its better that way.”

“I still don’t like the idea of you in her clutches...” Kurt continued darkly.

“As I said. It’s mine to deal with.” He said in a tone that left no room for argument. 

Kurt was ready to fight this but he decided it was a losing battle like Ororo had said. He hesitantly placed his hand on Logan's shoulder. He had the urgent need to touch Logan now. Even if it was only as friends. “Alright, but whatever you need... you still have a friend in me.”

Logan thinks about that darkly. Unfortunately, what Logan needed, the young man couldn't provide him with.

^^^

Once Kurt left Logan had decided to take a shower, hoping it would cool Logan's desire for his friend. As Logan comes out of his bedrooms bathroom, he can’t help but be drawn to the echo’s of laughter coming from outside that teased his senses. He goes out on the balcony and looks down; there on the poolside is Kurt, Kitty and Cecilia. Kurt leans over and whispers something in Cecilia’s ear, she feigns shock and pushes him into the water and then jumps in after him, pelting him with splash after splash as Kurt makes his way towards her, laughing all the way then he picks up her hand and kisses it. Logan can hear Kurt’s flirting with his enhanced senses. This is one of the cases where it is also a curse. He did not want to be reminded of what he could not have.

“My dear lady, I rather make love not war.”

 _That’s it, Elf._ Logan thought. _Make nice with the lady…_

Logan knew he shouldn’t feel this way. He ended it. His explanation wasn’t completely truthful either, but Kurt accepted it, hook line and sinker. He wouldn’t know what to say if Kurt found out about Victor and Mystique. It would be a pathetic excuse and he knew it. Kurt shouldn’t take that. This relationship was doomed to failure. But he just couldn’t let go. Also, Kurt had been an absolute gem considering all that’s happened between them. Logan knew Kurt was an impossible flirt; it was a part of his charm. And what right had he to be jealous, when Logan had always wanted to keep the relationship open? And he’s married now on top of it, though he didn’t want it, but he still chose honor and duty over Kurt. 

The phone rang, cutting Logan from his thoughts. It was his cell phone. Only certain people call him on that line, for business he doesn’t want to get the X-Men involved in. It could only be…

“Hello, my love.” Logan’s hackles rose at the venomous female voice on the other end. 

“Well, speak of the devil.” Logan said, voice dripping with ice.

“Now Logan. Is that anyway to speak to your dear wife?”

“You’re only my wife by paper, babe, and because honor demanded it. Nothing else.”

Viper laughed and said, “Still mooning over that imp that Raven sired? The fool hasn’t a clue about you does he? What you and Victor did all those years ago?”

At hearing Victors name Logan growled. “You leave Kurt out of this. He has nothing to do with anything.”

“Oh he has everything to do with this. He’s just more ammo to me. Just you honor our contract and I wont send Victor after your boy toy. I hear he’s developed a fondness for him.” She chuckled darkly before hanging up. 

“Damn her…” Logan muttered. Logan couldn’t help but think Kurt was born decades too late. Things might have been different if he knew Kurt ages ago. Joining the X-Men and meeting Kurt especially, was one of the best things to happen to him in his long life. And Kurt should know it too. Logan reached for a pen on his desk and started writing, a saying that had been stuck in his head the past few weeks that made him think of Kurt. She may have had him in body, but Kurt had his soul.

^^^

As Kurt entered his bedroom, he sighed sadly, he was hoping Logan would join him and the others at the pool. Also there was a nagging feeling, an itch he couldn’t scratch - Logan’s marriage to Viper. He wondered grimly if he and the villainess made love. Did he get pleasure from it?

Kurt became so involved in his troubled thoughts that he almost missed the flower on his dresser with a note. “What is this?”

_**The hunger to belong is not merely a desire to be attached to something. It is rather sensing that great transformation and discovery become possible when belonging is sheltered and true.** _

Kurt smiled at the proverb, and read further.

_**Elf, an old lady in Japan once told me the meaning behind some flowers. I’m sure you’ll find this amusing being this flower is soft and blue but what it stands for now makes the most sense to me. It means “Constancy.” You are the constant in my life Kurt. The one that keeps me sane, the one that shelters me from my demons. The one who is true and keeps me true. And don’t forget it. I expect you to be all smug tomorrow. But try not to be too much of a smartass, ok?** _

_**Logan** _

Kurt swallows as he holds up the bluebell and examines it some more. He gets a glass and fills it with water and places the flower in it, setting it back on his dresser. Logan usually wasn’t much for outward sentiment so this was definitely a big thing on Logan’s part. 

“How can I forget something like this, Lieb?" Kurt shakes his head, "You are riddle I hope to unravel one day.”

^^^

Kurt was sitting in the library, he had decided to read as nothing of interest was on TV. He found he could not put the book down as he had read well into the evening. He looked up at the clock. It was eleven o'clock pm. He could not believe he got so caught up. He usually liked to get to bed early these days. He looked up as he heard the door open. It was Rogue.

"Hello, Rogue. Couldn't sleep?"

"No. I tried but... well, lets just say momma told me there'd be days like this."

"Ah. You and Remy?"

"Am I that sad?" Rogue laughed. 

"No. You are human. You are finally experiencing the full spectrum of being human. Or you could, if you let yourself."

"If it were only that simple."

"It never is."

"So, did you and Logan finally patch things up?"

"More or less." Kurt's face was filled with warmth as he said this so she was convinced he was telling the truth.

"That's wonderful, Kurt. I'm so relieved. It wasn't right for you two to stay on bad terms."

Kurt nodded.

"I just want to thank you for taking care of me in Mississippi and contacting Logan, at first I was angry about you telling him about Mystique and sending for him but I'm not any more. I'm glad you did."

Rogue looked at Kurt in confusion. "You're welcome Kurt, at least about a couple of those bits... but I didn't tell Logan about Mystique. I felt it would be best to leave it to you. I didn't think it was my place."

Now it was Kurt's turn to look confused. "Oh? I..."

Rogue studied Kurt intently. "Are you alright, Kurt?"

Kurt's mouth was still open from the shock then he shook himself out of it and swallowed. "Ja, I'm fine. I'm sure its nothing, really."

"Ok, then." Rogue smiled, though she wasn't quite convinced. Then she went off in search of her favorite book. The young southern mutant was determined to get a certain Cajun out of her mind. 

Kurt continued to sit in silence for several minutes. He thought back on his earlier words of Logan being a riddle and he hoped that when he finally unraveled it that he would be up to the challenge.

^^^


End file.
